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Post by Solaris on Mar 28, 2023 6:07:08 GMT
Day 18 of Thunder Moon 2021 Reunion: On the Horizon of Something New Thunder Moon 2021 Day 18 | Greenleaf
Kaeldra SUMMARY: After 37 moons apart, Rat reunites with an old flame, Dawn, but things aren’t quite the same…
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Post by Solaris on Mar 28, 2023 6:10:13 GMT
R a t He/Him | 62 Moons | Rogue
Thunder 18, 2021 | Kaeldra He woke up at the crack of dawn while everyone was still asleep. The camp was deathly quiet, an unnatural and uncomfortable awareness that he bore. He felt as if he stepped into another world, a forbidden world. A world where he might be crucified, should he shatter the thin barrier between the old world he was familiar with—that of a lively camp—and the new world—that of an emptiness.
He thought often of these things. Since his death, Rat’s thoughts circled around one another like ripples upon ripples upon ripples in a river. He could ignore the ripples when there were other around him, but not now. Not when the sky was barely born, and his eyes were still bleary, and not solely from sleep.
Miraculously, Juniper’s treatment was working. Whatever magic those herbs performed, they cleared the cloud of mucus that clogged up his throat. The fogginess that once occupied his head, blotted out his vision, was now dissipated. He could breathe, he could think, he could live. And yet, his body was still tender like the tendrils of fresh newleaf buds. If he exerted himself too much, he would stretch himself thin, make him prone to snapping.
The cure made him alive, but it hadn’t given him the strength. And it was strength Rat needed most. The strength to keep his head up and open his eyes to the blinding light of the sun. Whatever made him wake up in the mornings, it wasn’t strength but of a begrudging duty he owed to his clanmates. Sure, it didn’t matter in the long run, but… in his heart, he knew the difference.
He padded out of camp, silently slipping away to the shadows where he felt he belonged, and he quietly hoped that no one would follow.
Rat had exercised, as per Juniper’s instructions, to regain his strength. But his limbs were weak regardless. Hopefully, he was strong enough to manage a catch. A small catch, perhaps a mouse? The scent of a rodent caught his nose instantly as he walked down the atrium of pines that led out of the carrionplace’s borders.
He saw the mouse nibbling on a rock, chewing on its food with such a blissful unawareness of its surroundings. The mouse ate without a glimmer of a thought in its head, and yet, he envied its tranquility and its peacefulness. What he wouldn’t give to forgo the roaring waves crashing against the shorelines of his head or to ignore the unwelcome flashes of a bygone past.
He lunged, pushing past the grime and the waves and the prickling shrubbery. But perhaps he was too bold and impatient, because he had far overestimated his own capability to jump. He hadn’t positioned himself correctly (his crouch’s posture was dirt poor) and his aim was too angled. He crashed into a nearby trunk, sending pine needles falling from the branches. They too were prickly. His muscles quiet weeped, and he sat there, unsure of what to do next.
A silhouette caught his eye, and then he looked up. A familiar face…
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Post by Kaeldra on Apr 3, 2023 4:25:54 GMT
Dawn || she/her || 59 moons Dawn raised her nose, scenting the air. It was still early, the heat of the day not yet upon the forest, and she hoped that meant she’d be able to track down something to eat before long. With any luck she’d have something to take back to Aurora, who she had left sleeping in the small den they were calling home for the time being.
The only things that met her nose were the morning dew and the distant scent of the thunderpath they’d had to cross to get here. That certainly hadn’t been pleasant, but they had finally gotten a lead of sorts on Patch pointing them in this direction, and she wasn’t about to let it go to waste. Now that they were in the marshes, it actually wasn’t too bad. The pines acted as a shield against the sun during the day, and the mud underfoot was pleasantly cool, if a bit tiresome to groom out.
As she walked, she wondered, not for the first time, whether this was a fool’s errand she was on. In all likelihood, Patch and the rest of them were long gone, having set out for greener pastures after being driven from Twolegplace, and she would never see her friends again. Even so, she knew she would never forgive herself if she gave up now. The possibility of passing them by unbeknownst to her was almost physically painful. No, she would keep searching until she either found them or she breathed her last breath.
A sudden rustling in the bushes off to her right drew her out of her reverie, and she pricked her ears curiously. Before she could investigate, the pine tree next to her shook as if hit, a shower of pine needles falling down around the base as a mouse bolted fearfully away and disappeared into the undergrowth.
What was that?
Dawn approached the bush the mouse had darted from, muscles tense and ready to run, but then her eyes fell on the source of the noise and she froze, her breath catching in her throat.
A long-furred ginger tom crouched at the base of the tree, his gaze focused on the ground. His pain was evident in the way he held himself, and suddenly all Dawn could hear was the blood rushing in her ears as she took in the scars criss-crossing his muzzle and trailing into his fur, the shredded ear and patchy tail. For a moment all she could do was stare down at him wordlessly with wide eyes.
He was a shadow of the cat she had once known, looking more broken than she had ever imagined seeing him, and her heart constricted painfully in her chest at the sight. But it was him; there was no doubt. Her voice wavered, dangerously close to breaking as she finally spoke.
“Rat?”
ulla
Solaris
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Post by Solaris on Apr 7, 2023 16:25:46 GMT
R a t He/Him | 62 Moons | Rogue
Thunder 18, 2021 | Kaeldra When he saw her and recognized her, a thousand questions flashed through his mind like the pathways of a lightning bolt, branching off from each fork in the bolt. Was this real? Was this another fever dream? Was this cat really Dawn? She was alive? And now she was here? How much has changed? How much stayed the same? Did she still love him? Did he still love her? Did she have another family of her own, or did she travel alone? Where had she gone? What had she seen?
In that instance, everything felt slow-motion, the way her eyes widened when the recognition kicked in, the way her mouth moved to say his name, when the foggy clouds of doubts dissipated and left Rat with the sense of being grounded in the moment. He could feel the grass and the sink of his paws in the mud. He could feel the beating heat from the sun on his pelt, even through the slits of the coniferous trees. And he felt the pine needles stabbing his skin like porcupine quills.
“You’re here,” he said at last. A lifetime had passed from him shaking the needles out of his fur and him finding the courage to look Dawn in the eyes. He searched something from her, but she was unreadable and incomprehensible. Her white fur stood out among the murky darkness of the marsh. If he squinted his eyes enough, she looked like a ghost. And maybe she was one… but her scent lay thick on his tongue, and it was a smell he could never forget.
He wasn’t sure what to say to her. There were no doubt lengths worth of walls between them, tough iron-wrought barriers that were erected from their seasons of separation. He kept overthinking his words, wishing for once, he could do the right thing, say the right words. But the next ones came out in a jumble.
“You’re—you’ve—so much— are you…” Rat drew in a deep breath and started again. “Why are you here?”
He winced at the unfriendliness of his tone, which had come out sharper than intended.
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Post by Kaeldra on May 6, 2023 20:53:25 GMT
Dawn || she/her || 59 moons “I’m here.”
The seasons of words that had gone unsaid stretched like a chasm between them, and Dawn suddenly felt more distant than ever despite this being the closest she had been to Rat, physically, since the night she left.
She often wondered if he had suspected her reason for disappearing, if he had ever had the slightest inkling that he was a father. That he had lost two of his kits without ever getting to meet them. Dawn hadn’t told anyone, so she doubted it. She wondered if he hated her for leaving, especially when things within Stone’s group had been growing worse by the day. If he blamed her for how things had turned out.
Rat was obviously not well. He squinted at her with unfocused eyes, his movements lacking the strength and grace she remembered from their youth. Was this her fault? By leaving, had she abandoned him to this fate? She knew it wasn’t something she should dwell on; there was no changing it now. But the thoughts still swarmed in her head like an angry nest of hornets.
They stared at each other for a long, silent moment. Dawn found herself struggling for further words, and it seemed Rat was too. When he finally bit out a sharp “Why are you here?” after stumbling over several would-be sentences, her eyes narrowed and her ears pinned back ever so slightly. He was mad.
The white she-cat was silent for a long moment as she weighed her options. But in the end, she realized, there was really only one choice. So she told him the truth.
“I was looking for you.”
ulla
Solaris
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Post by Solaris on May 7, 2023 3:28:36 GMT
R a t He/Him | 62 Moons | Rogue
Thunder 18, 2021 | Kaeldra “I was looking for you.” Rat’s heart sunk, his throat welling up with a rush of emotion he hadn’t felt in a long time… or rather, he had erected a dam at the center of a rapid river, right where his vulnerabilities lay, and he let the wall grow bigger and bigger. The wall now crashed, all those seasons of hard work for nothing. He held his gaze, stood his ground firm, even looking at Dawn made him remember. Remember a time when he was younger, younger and braver, braver and more hopeful. Hopeful and alive. He hated those memories and involuntary flashbacks. He hated the cat he was back then, he hated seeing Dawn here now, knowing how much had changed. How much he changed, how much she changed, how much their relationship had shifted. He wanted to know, and in the same instance, he wanted to block out her voice, her face. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry out. He wanted to know, know, know. Where had she been? What had she seen? Why did she leave? Why— “Why?” he asked at last. His features hardened, and his lips curled. His tone was sharp and pointed, an exerted effort to maintain his façade, though what he was trying to pretend to be, he wasn’t sure. “You were the one who left, and now you want to come back? Here? Of all places? And how in fox-dung did you even find me here? Was it chance, or was it deliberate?”
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Post by Kaeldra on May 7, 2023 4:20:41 GMT
Dawn || she/her || 59 moons Dawn sighed, closing her eyes as she let Rat’s words wash over her. She supposed she deserved this. While she knew that maybe things would have been better if she had stayed after all — maybe Dusk and Twilight would still be here, she thought for the umpteenth time before chasing the thought away — she had done what she had thought was best at the time. She had used the information available to her and tried to do well by her kits. By the stars, she tried.
She waited until he was done, letting his questions hang heavily in the air for several long moments before opening her eyes to stare at him with an unreadable expression. Maybe he was right, and she didn’t deserve to come seeking him out after leaving him behind all those moons ago. But he was lacking vital details, and had a feeling he might change his mind once he knew.
Dawn thought of Aurora, curled safely into the moss in their little hollow. Blissfully unaware of the tension between her parents. The white she-cat winced inwardly.
“I couldn’t be sure you were even still alive,” she admitted, breaking away from his gaze to stare at a clump of pine needles off to his left. “We’re not newleaf starlings anymore.” Some days her age surprised her, when she would catch her reflection in a puddle and notice a tiredness in her eyes that never used to be there. Today she felt every moon acutely. “But there were still things you deserved to know.” And your daughter deserves to know you, she added silently to herself.
Despite coming all this way, searching all this time, now that the day to be truthful had finally arrived Dawn found herself tongue-tied. She hadn’t expected it to be so sudden. She had thought she’d have more time to prepare. Instead, she stalled by answering his other questions.
“We- I travelled for a long time. Eventually decided to loop back around to Twolegplace, see if Patch had managed to overthrow Stone like he always said he would.” A sad smile. How hopeful she had been, that they could all live together just like they used to. How naive. “It took some digging, but I finally found a cat who told me he had. I hear it didn’t last long, though.” Dawn looked back up to meet Rat’s eyes, curious what emotions she’d find there. “So I headed in the last known direction he went, and ended up here. I assume since I found you, he must not be far off. How is he?”
She was almost more afraid to see Patch than she was to see Rat. He had been so passionate about his goals... If Rat hated her, Patch was going to hate her even more. He would see her leaving as a betrayal. If she had been there, maybe he wouldn’t have been driven out. But instead of supporting him, she had disappeared without so much as a goodbye.
ulla
Solaris
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Post by Solaris on May 7, 2023 4:59:09 GMT
R a t He/Him | 62 Moons | Rogue
Thunder 18, 2021 | Kaeldra The uncertainty of knowing whether the other was alive was an anxiety Rat was all too familiar with. And with how old they both were now, the possibility of death was not so far off. And wasn’t Rat at the brink of disease only a few quarter-moons ago? He had a taste of death, a taste he was sure he would experience again. But knowing the commonality between them, it eased the tension in his tail slightly. He wasn’t alone in his curiosities, even if he tried not thinking about the past.
“Still things for me to know? Like what? You have a family on your own now?” asked Rat with a raised brow. He wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case—so many seasons had passed since they were mates. It wasn’t unreasonable to think she found someone else and had their kits. Or maybe the revelation was about something else? Finding a long lost sibling even Rat didn’t know existed? He entertained more outlandish ideas, mostly to detract from the sting of the pain.
The slip of the pronoun “we” confirmed some of his suspicions, though he made no further comments on the word usage. He frowned when Dawn mentioned Patch, and he had to remind himself that she didn’t know. Still, it wasn’t hard not to scowl at what was—to him—a freshly covered scab, now being torn open by accident. He wanted to keep quiet, but from the way Dawn looked at him, a gaze of melancholy and a yearning for a vision of the world that could no longer exist, he realized someone had to tell her the truth. And the cat who was unluckily assigned the task was Rat.
Rat drew in a breath and explained, “We ruled the street for a moon or so. Maybe more. Probably more. I can’t remember, it all blurs in my head.”
Dawn encroached the subject as if innocently prodding at his scar with an unsheathed claw. He tried bracing himself for this moment ever since he first saw Dawn again, even rehearsing the outcomes in his head. But nothing could truly prepare him for the emotional weight bearing him down. He started off with a few stumbling words and then trailed off, inaudible.
“Patch is dead,” he said, keeping his expression as blank and stone-like as possible. “Passed away from the same disease I’m recovering from now. He left behind a kit.”
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Post by Kaeldra on Jun 4, 2023 0:52:21 GMT
Dawn || she/her || 59 moons Like what? You have a family on your own now?”
Stars, if only he knew. Yes, she had a family, but so did he! Dawn wanted to tell him, of course she did, but the words wouldn’t come. She opened her mouth, ready to say it, but suddenly she was struck with the thought that perhaps it wouldn’t be such a big surprise. Maybe he was already a father to someone else’s kits -- and goodness, that idea hurt more than it really ought to -- and Aurora would just be one more to add to the lot.
Of course that wouldn’t be the case, each kit was different and special in their own way, but she supposed she had been imagining their daughter as a sort of one and only for Rat, the way the she-cat was for Dawn herself. Aurora was her world.
She was saved from having to force out the words just yet by the explanation of what had happened following the downfall of Stone. Rat seemed to steel himself to say it, lost in memories of a better time. His voice grew quieter, and Dawn had to strain to catch what he was saying. Then she heard “Patch is dead” and everything went a bit fuzzy around the edges.
Patch? The fearless, ruthless, lion of a cat that she had known would take down Stone one day... was dead? She knew in the back of her mind that she should have considered this possibility, but if she had expected any one of the group to outlive her, it would have been Patch. If he was gone, the world must be even crueler than she thought.
But really, hadn't she learned that already?
“I’m sorry,” Dawn said, her voice distant. It felt so inadequate. But what else could she say? “How is the poor thing holding up? And their mother, she must be...”
Dawn tried to imagine the kind of cat that would fall for Patch, and realized they would be just as strong as he was. They would carry on for the sake of their kit, just as she had done for Aurora.
ulla
Solaris
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Post by Solaris on Jun 4, 2023 2:20:07 GMT
R a t He/Him | 62 Moons | Rogue
Thunder 18, 2021 | Kaeldra “His kit is 12 moons now. Their name is Death,” said Rat, numbly. He was distantly aware to how harsh and ugly of a name “Death” was for a young cat, but honestly, the only thing occupying his mind and Patch’s mind at the time was the loss of the mother. He continued on. Might as well get the rest of the story out, even if it awakened the soreness in his mouth. “The mother was my sister, Bat. Long story. But that means… Death is my nibling as well.”
Rat felt disconnected from those grim events, as if he were a passive spectator, marveling at the cruel macabre of life. He was used to the feeling, and it was comforting to keep himself as the rational, unbiased observer. The alternative was prone to scrapes and scratches to his chest.
“Death’s the closest thing I had to a kit,” said Rat. “Me, Patch, and Croak took care of them. I don’t think I would have had kits otherwise.”
It slipped his mind that he never mentioned his intimate relationship with Croak, and he felt no need to explain himself in that instance. The memory of Croak’s death weighed on his shoulders. He stretched his head, smoothing out the cramps in his neck. Had he been talking that much? He cast an eye on Dawn and he figured she would like to know what he was up to now, and why he was here.
“Since Patch died, I took over leadership. We’re a small group, all things considered, but we’re hardy. We survived when we were supposed to be dead. We laughed misfortune in the face, and came out in one piece. Things are stabilizing now. I’m recovering from a terrible disease,” he said.
He studied Dawn. “What about you?”
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Post by Kaeldra on Jun 5, 2023 1:48:16 GMT
Dawn || she/her || 59 moons Something in Dawn broke when she heard how young the kit was. Old enough to hunt for themselves, so it was a bit easier in practical terms, but she knew that would only make it harder emotionally. The kit had gotten time to know Patch, had gotten used to living life with a father. Now they suddenly had to reorient themselves in a world where that was no longer the case. And what a macabre name for a kit, reminding them of what they had lost!
“Your sister?” Dawn couldn’t help but break in with piqued curiosity, wondering how and when a sister had materialized. Then she registered the use of the past tense. “Was… I’m sorry,” she said again. It seemed she wasn’t the only one who had suffered the agony of loss during their separation.
Rat brushed it off, not elaborating on the mysterious Bat. Dawn wondered if she would ever get to hear that long story. He soldiered on, and Dawn felt as if a claw was twisting in her heart as he spoke of raising Death.
Death’s the closest thing I had to a kit. I don’t think I would have had kits otherwise.
Oh.
The words rang in her ears, and she resisted the urge to shake her head to clear them. Did he mean he had never wanted to be a father? Was that why he had refused to leave so fervently, because he had never thought there would be kits to protect? Her head spun as she suddenly considered this new viewpoint.
And Aurora… oh, Aurora. Would Rat only see her existence as a burden? Something he had never wanted for himself? The she-cat would be heartbroken; she so desperately wanted to know her father, even after all these moons. Dawn felt her own heart begin to break for her.
Rather than dwelling on such melancholy thoughts, Dawn tried to focus on what Rat was still telling her. He was beginning to sound more like the tom she knew in her youth. Tenacious. Irreverent. Refusing to give up.
“I’m glad you’re doing better.” If it was an awful enough disease to weaken Rat to the state she saw him in now, to kill Patch altogether, it must be something truly awful.
Then the question was turned on her. How had she been, what had she been up to? Dawn sighed. Here was the moment of truth, she supposed.
“I’ve been traveling, mostly.” This he already knew, but it felt necessary to state it again. “With my daughter. I had two sons, too, but they’ve both… passed on.” Dawn focused on a knot in a nearby pine trunk, tracing its whorls and ridges with her eyes as she spoke. It was easier if she factualized it, if she didn’t remember what it had been like to lose Dusk and Twilight with too much detail. “Now it’s just Aurora. I don’t know what I’d do without her.” Now she looked up, meeting Rat’s gaze. “She’s almost forty moons now.”
Dawn wondered if he would put the pieces together, or if she would have to spell it out more clearly. He was certainly smart enough. But perhaps his mind would offer other explanations, unwilling to accept what she was telling him. Perhaps he wouldn’t want to know.
ulla
Solaris
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Post by Solaris on Jun 7, 2023 5:50:14 GMT
R a t He/Him | 62 Moons | Rogue
Thunder 18, 2021 | Kaeldra He tilted his head oddly at Dawn, until he remembered that she never met his sister. He forgot if he ever mentioned her, but he was surprised if he didn’t; it was a part of his past he had been desperate to bury. But what twisted luck to think that Dawn never had the chance to meet Bat. “Yes, my sister… She left Stone’s group at a young age, before you and your brother came,” explained Rat. “I saw her again a few moons after you left. I never told you this, but she was part of the reason I wanted to stay behind. I was hoping I would see her again. And I did, but not for as long as I’ve like. I suppose she left a part of herself behind, in the form of Death.”He lowered his eyes and shook his head. He had been accustomed to the guilt, he reminded himself, there was no point in mourning death anymore, not when the duties of the present demanded his entire life. “Thank you. My recovery has taken a while, and my limbs are still weak from the disease, but I believe I will be well,” he said. Sometimes he asked, to no one in particular, why him? Why did he remain the constant in this sadistic experiment of the stars above? What were they trying to prove? The willpower of a cat to endure this senseless torture? His willpower had run dry a long time ago. “I’m sorry to hear of their passing. It must have been terrible to experience the loss of two of your kits,” he meowed, respectfully dipping a head. He wondered what they were like, he wondered what her daughter, Aurora, was like. Was he supposed to feel the pang of guilt and regret of never having seen her other two offspring? She lived a life separate from his, she had made that choice seasons ago. Who she decided to have kits with was her decision, just like Rat’s decision to move on to a new partner. But, he supposed he still had the chance to meet the third one, if only to make an acquaintance. Her icy blue eyes fixed upon him suddenly, and a shiver ran along his spine. “She’s almost forty moons now.” What?Forty moons. He did the math in his head, even against his own will and his own dread, but the calculations churned on out of habit and necessity. It was an answer he wished he had not composed so quickly, because the realization took him by storm. “What?” He held his mouth agape. He blinked again. Was Dawn lying? No, she wasn’t the type to lie about those sorts of things. Right now, he encountered two main possibilities for the information she revealed; either, the father was someone Dawn saw while they were still together, or the alternative, the worse one: he was the father. His voice hung on his disbelief, but the stillness of his body suggested he already knew what the answer was. “What do you mean?”
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Post by Kaeldra on Jun 19, 2023 1:32:10 GMT
Dawn || she/her || 59 moons From what little she knew of the other she-cat, Dawn thought it sounded like she and Bat had a fair bit in common. If she had already left Stone’s group by the time of Dawn and Crow’s initiation, she would have only been… what, six, maybe seven moons old? She had to admire Bat’s clear dedication to her principles. It hurt to know that maybe they would have been friends, but due to her choices forty moons ago she would never have the chance. Maybe their kits would have grown up together, in another world.
At least there’s still a chance for Aurora to know her cousin, she thought, trying to let hope cover up her despair at everything that could have been. If Rat will allow it after this, that is.
His body had gone entirely still, and if it weren’t for the fact she could see the gears whirring wildly behind his eyes she might have wanted to check that he was still breathing. After all, he hadn’t been well. Would the shock be too much for him? She hoped not, because it was too late to back out now.
“You know what I mean,” Dawn said, but her words lacked the bite she might have once put into the statement. She was sure he did know, but that didn’t mean it would be any less shocking. Her voice grew very soft as she confirmed it. “They’re yours, Rat. All three of them.” She hesitated a heartbeat before adding, “I’m sorry you didn’t get to meet them… your sons. Their names were Dusk and Twilight. They were… They were good cats.” It still hurt to talk of them in the past tense, even so many moons later. They had been so young. “Aurora would love to meet you, though. I hope you’ll give her the chance to know her father.”
In the end, she knew she couldn’t control what Rat decided. Maybe he wanted nothing to do with Aurora. Maybe he would send the two she-cats back the way they had come, saying Dawn had made her choices all those moons ago and now she had to live with the consequences. Of course, she knew this was a possibility.
But if there was even a small chance she could make this one thing right, that she could give Aurora not only a father but also a place to belong… well, she had to try, didn’t she?
ulla
Solaris
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Post by Solaris on Jun 19, 2023 4:00:44 GMT
R a t He/Him | 62 Moons | Rogue
Thunder 18, 2021 | Kaeldra He might as well been rammed by a monster in the middle of a thunderpath. And yet, as quickly as the shock froze his joints in place, as quickly as the shock melted away and he was able to steer his nerves back to their place, maintain his composure with what little energy remaining. He was silent at first, blinking while debating on what to say, and even what to think. The moments flashed before his eyes, the mental math passing through his head. And suddenly, he found himself in the pelt of his younger self, in the middle of another argument with Dawn.
She was so insistent on leaving, and he wanted to stay. Rat realized then that Dawn must have been expecting, that she wanted a better place for their kits, because of course. What expecting mother wouldn’t want a good home to give birth in? Stone’s Syndicate was no place for a kit to grow up. He hung his head back and closed his eyes, sidled with the knowledge of the source of their arguments back then, and the painful present that lay before him now.
“Why didn’t you tell me before? That you were expecting?” His mew was rough, unable to sand off the edges of his hurt. He swallowed again, recollecting that he had only moments before expressed his opinion towards kits, and he felt like slapping himself with his tail. Oh, the irony. Clarifying, he said, “I don’t like kits much, but I never would have rejected them if they were yours.”
He spoke of his true feelings now, but he wasn’t sure how his younger would have responded back then.
“And I won’t reject them now,” said Rat with resolution. Softly, to himself, he repeated the names of his deceased sons (Dusk and Twilight), and he winced down the pain of never having seen them. He wondered how his kits felt about him, whether they yearned to learn about their father or scorned the tom who never knew of their existence. Part of himself wanted to blame Dawn for her silence, because if she did, maybe things would have been different. Maybe his kits would have had a father, maybe he would have left with her.
But as he followed the grains of that trail, he thought of how he never would have met his sister, never would have fallen in love with Croak, never would have overthrown Stone. He was stumped now, stumped over what his life could have been, should have been. But now he was spiraling in a torrent of what-ifs and what-thens. Answers to pointless questions, answers that wouldn’t satiate his hunger. He kneaded his paws against the mud, grounding himself to reality again.
“Aurora,” he spoke his daughter’s name, near breathless. “You gave them wonderful names, Dawn. I would like to meet her perhaps, if she would want to meet me.”
He deliberated another moment and then decided to tell Dawn about him. “If we’re updating on important life details the other has missed, then I should tell you that I took another mate since you left. You know Croak… Knew him, back when he was alive. He was a medic, if you remember. He passed some moons after Death was born. I think he would have loved to meet your kits. Our kits.”
He was still struggling to conceptualize the idea that he was a father, but in time, Rat was sure he would be used to it.
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